


snapshots of the past, present and future

by lizzywonder



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: ? I think, Adam is alive, Angst, Fluff, Growing Up, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Marriage, Marriage Proposal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-06
Updated: 2018-09-06
Packaged: 2019-07-07 17:37:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15913059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizzywonder/pseuds/lizzywonder
Summary: Under the lights, Takashi seemed to glow brighter. He snorted and jabbed at Adam lightly. “You know, I don’t think we’re allowed to be here.” Adam raise his eyebrows. “Then why did they even make a roof?” He challenged, before realising how stupid that sounded. He cleared his throat and began again. “Well, I suppose this could be our special place then.”When Takashi smiled at him, it felt like everything was falling into place. Everything was just so right. So they named the constellations together until the stars faded and the sun rose and the magic of the night had faded away.orsnapshots of the life of adam





	snapshots of the past, present and future

**Author's Note:**

> here is 13k words of nothing but adam and only adam. enjoy!

He was thirteen when he first entered the Garrison. His jacket was too big for him and his shoes too squeaky on the floor. He kept his gaze fixed on General Iverson’s back with his suitcase clutched tightly to his chest. 

 

The large man stopped abruptly in front of him and turned to face another metal door in the hall of similar looking doors. 

 

“Your roommate is Takashi Shirogane. Settle in quickly. Breakfast starts at seven tomorrow. Good night.” General Iverson was cold, precise, and everything unfamiliar to him. He turned on his heel and stalked away, his footsteps echoing in the empty corridor. 

 

Adam took a deep breath and pushed open the door. It was a fairly large room. Two beds pushed against opposite walls and two metallic desks next to the beds. There was a boy of his age with a godawful haircut and a big smile sitting on one of the beds there. “Hi, I’m Adam. You must be Takashi?” He began. 

 

The boy’s eyes widened for a second before grinning and saying, “Yeah, I’m Takashi. Nice to meet you. Um, your bed’s over there. And I, um, already set an alarm. I hope you don’t mind?”

 

Adam grinned and shook his head. “Nah, it’s cool.” He stood awkwardly at the foot of his bed for a while before bustling about, setting up his side of the room. Takashi was on his own bed, earbuds plugged in and was staring up at the blank ceiling. Adam shifted about uncomfortably in his bed and willed himself to fall asleep.

 

(He didn’t. Instead, he spent the night awake, listening to the sounds of Takashi’s even breathing and pretended to wake just as his alarm rang.)

  
  
  
  
  


Takashi was a genius. A natural born pilot. Within two weeks, he became the talk of the Garrison. The newbie who beat the scores of seniors three years older than him and was close to beating the ones of those four years older. Twelve year old Takashi Shirogane was a hurricane who swept Adam into his insane life and kept him there. Right at the eye of the hurricane where all Adam could see was Takashi, Takashi, Takashi. 

 

They became flight partners once Adam was deemed proficient enough to match Takashi’s standards. 

 

(“You begged,” Takashi laughed. “You pestered and annoyed them until they let you be my partner.” Adam didn’t mind. Just as long as they could be partners. He was willing to do whatever it took.)

 

Together, they became the best piloting duo of the cohort. They were the hurricane. Adam and Takashi. Takashi and Adam. Always together, because they were better together. 

 

As they stood on the stage side by side, receiving their certifications of achievements, Adam felt at home for the first time since he entered the Garrison. 

  
  


***

  
  


He was fourteen when he heard someone call Takashi  _ Shiro _ . Maybe it wasn’t the first time. Maybe he had been oblivious to the other times other students referred to him as  _ Shiro. _

 

It went a little like this. 

 

“Hey, Adam.” A voice startled Adam out of his work. He turned to face a kid from their class. A James or John or something. He really couldn’t be bothered. 

 

“Have you seen Shiro?”

 

“Who?”

 

The kid looked at him like he was stupid. “You know, your friend. Tall, buzzcut, pretty buff, great pilot, always hanging around you. Ring any bells?”

 

He was such a little shit. “You mean Takashi? He should be in the dorms. Room 107.”

 

Adam decided he should ask Takashi about it. Or was it Shiro? His head was quite muddled after that. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


“Hey Takashi?” Adam began. 

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Ok, so you know how I call you Takashi right?”

 

“...yeah?”

 

“Well, some people call you Shiro.”

 

“...”

 

“...Takashi?”

 

Takashi’s cheeks flushed a bit. “Well, you know I’m from Japan? And like most people refer to each other by their last names and only their close friends and family kinda, like, call them by their first names. So…” He trailed off. 

 

Adam frowned. “But I called you Takashi when we first met.”

 

Takashi flushed even more. “I—I don’t mind when you call me Takashi. It—it’s nice. I kinda like it.”

 

There was a warm feeling at the bottom of his gut and made his heart beat a little faster. It was a nice feeling. 

 

He wondered if he would feel it again. 

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


He was fifteen when he punched someone for the first time. At that time it felt like a good idea. An hour later when he was waiting outside Iverson’s office, he still felt like it was a good idea. 

 

It really wasn’t his fault, seeing as the kid he had punched was a righteous dick. And Takashi had been too nice to do anything about it.

 

He supposed it happened when he found a bottle of nail polish at the bottom of his suitcase. 

 

Actually, Takashi found it and was weirdly fascinated by it.

 

“Adam? Where did you get this from?”

 

“I don’t know,” he replied, inspecting the bottle carefully. “I think it’s my sister’s.”

 

“Cool. Hey, do you think she’d mind if I used it?”

 

Adam shrugged. “Nah, I don’t think so. Knock yourself out.”

 

And so, Takashi spent the next two hours sitting on the floor, painting his nails meticulously while the alcoholic scent of nail polish slowly filled up the room.

 

(Adam complained about the smell, but he secretly thought that Takashi’s nails were absolutely beautiful.)

 

The punching began when a kid in their class, that  _ fucking _ Darren Greene, noticed Takashi’s nail polish. 

 

“Hey Shiro, nice nails,” he giggle-snorted, nudging his large buddies and the four of them began snorting with laughter. It was rather obnoxious.

 

And Takashi, beautiful, kind Takashi, simply smiled and  _ thanked _ him. Jesus.

 

Darren frowned, like he wasn’t quite sure why Takashi had reacted the way he did. Then he shrugged and shoved Takshi towards the simulator. “Hurry up, fag. Don’t keep the whole class waiting.”

 

Adam’s fist went flying before he realised it. It was only after he heard a dull thud and felt a sharp sting against his knuckles and the warm weight of Takashi restraining him, did he then realise what he had just done.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


He found himself outside Iverson’s office half an hour later. Stupid Darren had went in first, leaving him and Takashi sitting outside. He inspected his split knuckles quietly, amazed at how strong he was. It must have taken a huge amount of force to knock such a large guy over.

 

“You didn’t have to do that, you know,” Takashi broke the silence.

 

Adam snorted. “Of course I had to. He insulted your flight timings.” Their eyes locked and Adam felt something tug at his heart. His voice softened as he said, “I’ll always fight for you. That’s never going to change, so you should probably learn to live with it.” 

 

Takashi grinned at him and they spent the next half an hour nudging each other until Darren exited and Adam was walked into Iverson’s office.

 

Surprisingly, he was still grinning as he walked in.

  
  
  


***

  
  
  
  


He was sixteen when he broke the Garrison record for fastest flight time. 

 

Well, technically, Takashi broke it, but Adam had helped. Hopefully. 

 

Their friends snuck in a few bottles of beer that night to celebrate and he felt incredibly grown up to drink alcohol. It was a dumb feeling because he knew that beer was most probably the least interesting alcohol there was. Still, it was the most he had ever had in his life because the Garrison was strict about this and he had a penchant for following rules. Also because his parents had banned alcohol in the house and had drilled it into his head that alcohol was bad and would kill him. Then there was the added side effect of a perpetually drunk uncle who made it a point to embarrass himself at every family gathering. 

 

The beer was bitter and left a biting feeling on his tongue. Two bottles in and he was pleasantly buzzed. Everything was a bit muffled but he quite liked it. 

 

He found Takashi lounging on his bed, beer in hand. For some reason, Adam found him rather good looking like that. Maybe it was the alcohol talking. 

 

Grabbing his hand, Adam dragged him out of their room. He wasn’t quite sure where he was taking them but they soon found themselves on the roof. 

 

It was a breathtaking view. The night sky was brightly lit with constellations and the desert sand seemed to be moving and making waves as the clouds passed over the lights in the sky. 

 

“Wow,” Takashi said, smiling at the stars. 

 

Adam’s heart thudded painfully in his chest. Takashi looked beautiful under the lights. The constellations reflected off his irises, making them shine so brightly. 

 

“Yeah, wow,” Adam replied lamely. 

 

“Hey look there.” Takashi pointed upwards at the constellations. “It’s Ursa Major.”

 

“And that’s Ursa Minor?”

 

Takashi laughed softly. “Nah, that’s still a part of Ursa Major. That’s the Big Dipper. Remind me again how you got into the Garrison?”

 

“My stunning personality and my good looks,” Adam said, deadpan. 

 

Under the lights, Takashi seemed to glow brighter. He snorted and jabbed at Adam lightly. “You know, I don’t think we’re allowed to be here.”

 

Adam raise his eyebrows. “Then why did they even make a roof?” He challenged, before realising how stupid that sounded. He cleared his throat and began again. “Well, I suppose this could be our special place then.”

 

When Takashi smiled at him, it felt like everything was falling into place. Everything was just so  _ right _ . “Maybe now you’ll learn the constellations like everyone else,” Takashi suggested, leaning against him. 

 

So they named the constellations together until the stars faded and the sun rose and the magic of the night had faded away. 

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


He was seventeen when he had his first kiss. It was so late it was rather embarrassing. She was Jessica Shaybon, a little spitfire of a pilot. Jessica was pretty, straightforward, and pretty straightforward. 

 

“I like you,” she said. They were in the mess hall, discussing their engineering project. Adam didn’t know what to make of that confession. 

 

He probably looked like one of those startled sheep in those stupid farm videos. Upon looking at the hopeless mess in front of her, Jessica decided that the best way to handle the situation was by grabbing his face and kissing him square on the mouth. 

 

It was a strange experience. It wasn’t unpleasant, but it wasn’t that great either. He wondered why people made such a big deal of it. 

 

Sighing, Jessica sat back down on the chair and turned back to the project. “You don’t like me that way,” she said, pointblank. 

 

“I’m sorry,” he replied, not really sure what he was supposed to do. 

 

“Yeah well, it’s cool. I mean, I kinda like Shiro too so, you know, it’s not that hard when you have a backup crush. It’s better than the one time when I had this massive crush on Kevin Porter and I was basically his stalker and then he turned me down.”

 

Jessica was so blunt sometimes it physically hurt to listen to her. 

 

Then it hit him. 

 

Shiro. 

 

_ Shiro.  _

 

_ Takashi.  _

 

Jessica liked Takashi? His mind went blank for a second. Then it was filled with scenes after scenes of Takashi and Jessica. They played out like a movie with the brash heroine and the calm hero. Where they were such opposites that they matched so perfectly. He saw their first meeting and their first date and their wedding and how they would have three kids and grow old together. He saw how he wasn’t in it. 

 

Then, he wondered why he was so bothered by the thought of somebody liking Takashi. He was his friend, wasn’t he? Shouldn’t he be glad that Takashi was liked by someone? That Takashi would have someone to love and to grow old with?

 

The thoughts were growing too loud and he needed to  _ think _ . He pushed back his chair and looked at Jessica apologetically. “I—I’m sorry. I just realised that I had a… thing. I have to… go… now.” He crammed the papers into his backpack and practically sprinted out of the mess hall. 

 

_ Run, _ he thought. And so he ran. Away from the mess hall. Away from the dorms. Away from everyone. And he found himself on the roof again. 

 

He sat down on the concrete and looked out over the desert. What was wrong with him? A pretty girl liked him and he turned her down. A pretty girl likes Takashi and he gets a panic attack. What the fuck was wrong with him?

 

A little voice at the back of his head was chanting, “You like him. You  _ like  _ like him.” It sounded suspiciously like his younger sister Abbey.  _ Shut up, Abbey _ , he said to himself vehemently. 

 

“I don’t like him,” he told the desert solemnly. “He’s my friend. My best friend. Nothing more.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


He met Matt Holt that year and that was the first time he had ever felt jealousy to that extreme. Takashi and Matt just seemed to  _ click _ . The engineer and the pilot. He could envision them going on missions together and working so much better than Takashi and Adam could. That thought made him want to punch a hole through the wall. 

 

Takashi and Adam was slowly fading into Takashi and Matt. He hated that he wasn’t in it at all. Why was there any need for two pilots? There needed to be some sort of difference right? The best engineer and the best pilot worked together so much better than the best pilot and a subpar pilot. 

 

Matt was slowly filling up the Adam-shaped spaces in Takashi’s life. It had started with this.

 

“Hey, Adam, I’ll be staying out tonight. I’m working this stupid project with Matt. Don’t wait up.”

 

And then it became like this.

 

“Kashi, you wanna get lunch later?”

 

“Nah, I just ate with Matt.”

 

Or

 

“I just heard the funniest thing today. Matt was telling this amazing joke…”

 

He could swear that every damn thing Takashi said was about Matt Holt. Fucking Matt Holt with his intelligence and his messy I-just-rolled-out-of-bed hair and his perfect smile and the way he could worm himself into Takashi’s heart and stay there. He wanted so badly for it to still be Takashi and Adam, but hey, you never really get what you want in life do you?

 

So he sat by the sidelines and watched, as Takashi faded away slowly from every aspect of his life until he was left with nothing but the title of roommate and flight partner. 

 

He didn’t know that Takashi still referred to him as his best friend to anyone that asked and always had that soft smile he reserved when he was talking about Adam. (Jessica had laughed knowingly at this and made a joke about how she was turning all her crushes gay.) He didn’t know that Takashi would look at his back fondly every time he turned around, and then blushed viciously when he realised what he was doing.

 

Maybe it was better that he didn’t know at all.

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


He was eighteen and about to graduate.  _ About _ being the key word. First, he had to pass his papers. Then he had to pass the  _ individual _ flying component. That was going to kill him. Adam groaned and lay his head onto the table in despair. 

 

“You don’t have to be so melodramatic,” Takashi quipped. 

 

“Shut up, Mr Takashi I-break-records-all-the-time-and-make-it-look-easy Shirogane. You’re not the one who can’t tell right from left.”

 

Takashi ran his hand through his hair (Did his hair get longer? When did his hair start looking so goddamn  _ pretty _ ?). “You’ve been flying with me for the past six years. You must have picked  _ something _ up.”

 

Adam looked directly at him and he sighed. “You can do this, Adam. You just have to believe in yourself just as much as I believe in you.”

 

And  _ damn _ if that didn’t make his heart beat against his ribs painfully. Takashi was so fucking earnest. It  really wasn’t helping his heart. 

 

“Yeah,” He said softly, lifting his head. Their eyes met. “I can do it.”

 

(He did do it, and Takashi was there waiting outside the simulator, wrapping Adam into his arms and he wished that that moment would last forever.)

  
  
  
  
  
  


They graduated in May and his whole family was there. His drunk uncle, his parents, his one living grandmother and his sister Abbey. He had waddled onto the stage in an oversized gown, an over-the-top hat and the biggest fucking smile ever seen on a person. 

 

“We did it,” Takashi said, grinning like a mad man. 

 

“We spent six years in this hell and we walked out of it with a piece of paper. Yay us.” Adam replied him without thinking. Then he looked at him and his smile softened. “Yeah, we did it Kashi. We graduated.”

 

He and Takashi were bombarded by their family not long after and it was a chaos of cameras and congratulations. It was a fucking mess but it was absolutely wonderful and he loved every minute of it. 

 

The hubbub died down a few hours later and the Garrison halls were empty except for a few stragglers here and there. Takashi grabbed his hand and led him up the stairs and to the roof. Their place. Their special place. They sat there in a comfortable silence for a few minutes before Takashi broke it. 

 

“I’m going to miss it.”

 

“Me too.”

 

They sat there on the concrete, watching the sun paint the sky pink and purple and orange. They sat there together, side by side. Adam and Takashi. Takashi and Adam. Always. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


That summer, they talked about their future. 

 

“Have you ever thought about what you wanted to be when you were little?”

 

Takashi looked at him blankly. “A pilot, Whitlam. That’s the whole reason I went to the Garrison in the first place.”

 

“So you’ll be staying at the Garrison then?”

 

“Yeah I suppose so. What about you? Are you staying?” 

 

Adam shrugged. “I don’t really know. I suppose maybe I’ll be a teacher there. I mean, it’s not like I have anywhere else to go.”

 

“You’ld make a great teacher. Remember when Iverson made you my tutor cause I was failing physics?”

 

“Yeah, like I’d ever forget,” he laughed, nudging Takashi gently with his shoulder.

  
  
  
  
  
  


They filled out their applications that week and got their positions a month later. He had never seen Takashi look so happy. Then, with a pang, he realised that it was the stars that made him happy. It was only ever the stars, and could only ever be the stars. It wouldn’t be Adam, no matter how much he wished it to be true.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


That was also the summer he had his first legitimate kiss. Takashi had went back to Japan and Adam was left in fucking California. Abbey had thrown a massive party when their parents were away and he was left reeling back from the shock that was America’s public education system and regular American teens. Since when did sixteen year olds consume so much alcohol? He felt oddly out of place at the party, but he couldn’t bring himself to stay away from the party because it was just so damn  _ interesting _ , despite how awkward he felt.

 

There was a strange sort of energy generated from the living room that drew him in. The dull throbbing music and the bright flashing lights and the shouts and yells of drunken teenagers seemed to pull him into the heart of the party.

 

The alcohol had slowly reached his brain and created a dull buzz in his ears. There was the clashing of bodies and he found himself pressed up against a hard chest. In the dark, he could see that the person’s eyes were a shockingly bright green. It was pretty fucking gorgeous. As their lips met, it suddenly hit Adam that he was snogging a random stranger. A random  _ stranger _ guy. A random stranger  _ guy _ .

 

Then it hit him that he liked it. That he liked the feel of a guy’s body beneath his own, of running his hands over a pair of broad shoulders. That this was  _ nice _ and he  _ liked _ it.

 

That was the last thought he had before everything started to blur together, and he found himself sprawled out on the couch, with the sunlight streaming through the windows, an array of crushed red cups littering the floor and a throbbing headache and a voice in between the pulses going, “You’re gay, Adam. You’re so fucking gay.”

 

Takashi’s face filled his mind. He heard his laughter in his ears and felt his soft hair under his fingers. 

 

And maybe that voice was right. He was so fucking gay.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


That summer, they went apartment hunting. Takashi was surprisingly picky.

 

“This looks great doesn’t it? I mean look at this  _ couch _ and this  _ space _ . Wow, right?” Adam was sure that his voice was slowly bordering on desperate. 

 

“Um, no. Did you  _ see  _ the size of this cabinet? You couldn’t fit half a suitcase in here!”

 

Dear God, they’ve been going at this for three whole fucking days.

 

“Christ, Kashi, just pick a fucking apartment ok? There are like literally no other apartments left since you  _ rejected every single one of them _ .”

 

Takashi rolled his eyes. “Patience, my young padwan. You don’t choose the apartment. The apartment chooses you.”

 

“What the fu—” 

 

(They found an apartment, eventually. It was quite a nice apartment, with two bedrooms, a full kitchen with a breakfast bar and was within walking distance of the Garrison. Takashi was right. It really was perfect.)

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


He was nineteen and he was back at the Garrison again. This time as a teacher. It felt insanely different than the previous time he entered. Everyone looked so much smaller than he remembered, even those a year younger than him. 

 

“Whitlam, Shirogane, it’s great to see you back here again.” Iverson was the first one to greet them. 

 

“And you, sir.” 

 

“You’ve been briefed, haven’t you?”

 

“Yes, sir.”

 

“Good.” He pivoted on his heel and walked away.

 

Feeling rather out of sorts, Adam pushed open the door to the staff lounge. He saw a multitude of familiar faces. At least ten of his batch mates were in there, sipping coffee and bending over student books.

 

He grabbed the coffee pot and poured the coffee aggressively into his thermos. He was so fucking ready for this.

  
  
  
  
  


He was not fucking ready for this. For one, the students were small and loud and  _ disobeyed every single one of his instructions _ . How difficult was it, really, to just sit down and pay attention and not cut up eraser dust or something stupid like that? Christ, were all thirteen year olds this restless? For another, he couldn’t pronounce half of the kids’ names and they dissolved into hysterical giggling every time he fucked one of their names up. 

  
  


He collapsed on their couch at the end of the day, feeling completely and utterly drained. Takashi trudged in ten minutes later, looking as weary as he felt. 

 

“Should I even bother asking how your day went?” Adam began. 

 

“Nope.”

 

“Okay, then, how was your day?”

 

Takashi glared at him half-heartedly before letting out a long sigh. “Iverson had me running drills the whole day. It was exhausting. You?”

 

“Kids,” he said, as a means of a reply.

 

“Sure.”

 

“Cool.”

 

They fell asleep on the couch, their arms somehow finding their way around each other and they woke up in the morning like that, huddled together, before they realised that class was at 8 and they were going to be late.

  
  
  
  
  


He was in class when Takashi fainted for the first time. Apparently, he was flying when he collapsed. Somehow, he still managed to make a perfect landing. It really wasn’t fair.

 

Takashi looked so absolutely small on the infirmary bed, with a too-big hospital gown on him. Adam sat down next to him. “I heard you made a perfect landing while unconcious.”

 

“Yeah,” he laughed tightly.

 

“So, did they tell you what was wrong?”

 

“Apparently I have a muscular degenerative disease. It’s not confirmed yet, but the doctors find it highly likely.”

 

Adam let out a long breath. “Is it fatal?”

 

“I don’t know. It most probably is. At least I’ll still be allowed to fly. If nothing else happens to me, I might be able to lead a mission into space at the end of this year.”

 

“Takashi…”

 

“I know it’s dangerous, but it’s what I’ve always wanted to do. I just hope you’ll be there for me.”

 

Adam’s heart was throbbing painfully against his chest as he reached out and grabbed Takashi’s hand. Their hands fit perfectly together. Scars against scars and calluses against calluses. “I’ll always be there for you, Kashi.”

 

_ Oh God, _ he thought as Takashi smiled softly at him,  _ I love him.  _

  
  
  
  
  


At the end of the year, Takashi was assigned to lead a mission to collect samples from Carpo, one of the moons of Jupiter. 

 

Adam stood at the launch bay, looking up at the team boarding the ship. From his height on the ground, he could make out the silhouette of Takashi and there was another pang in his heart. The ship doors closed and Adam let out a soft whisper, “Stay safe, Takashi.” 

 

There was no way Takashi could have heard him over the noise of the engines, but he could have sworn that he turned around and smiled at him, just as the ship was launched into the sky.

  
  
  
  
  


Their mission was a success and Adam was so fucking happy that Takashi made it home safe that he tackled him in a hug just as he was walking through their front door.

 

They lay on the ground together, laughing at the clear blue sky. It was perfect.

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


He was twenty when he met Keith Kogane. Keith was all of thirteen, full of brashness and defiance. He could see why Takashi took a liking to this kid. While disobedient, he had a strange charm to him. Not to mention he was also a great pilot. 

 

He met Keith when the boy was lounging on his couch next to Takashi. He dropped his bag onto the floor and settled next to Takashi on the couch. 

 

“You know it’s going to be curfew in like ten minutes right.”

 

Keith shrugged and pulled his legs in closer to his chest. “I like it here. It’s so much better than the stupid dorms.”

 

“Shitty roommate?”

 

“Yeah. He insulted my dead parents and then I punched him.”

 

“Oh.”

  
  
  
  


Keith was around a lot more after that. 

  
  
  
  
  


It was Friday night and they were in the apartment together. Takashi was in the kitchen grabbing drinks. 

 

“So, what are we watching?” he called out. 

 

“Your flight reruns. Keith was insistent.”

 

“Screw you, Whitlam.”

 

“Love you too,” he replied without thinking. 

 

Then Takashi stuck his head out of the kitchen like a startled chicken and Adam realised what he just said. “Um, I mean, um, platonically. Besties, right? Heh. Um. We are platonically in love with each other?”

 

Takashi was making his way to the living room slowly. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Keith not so subtly reaching for the bowl of popcorn. Stupid kid. 

 

Then Takashi was there, right in front of his face. Their eyes were locked onto each other and all he could see was Takashi, Takashi, Takashi. 

 

“I love you platonically too,” he said softly, smiling that beautiful, gorgeous smile of his. 

 

Then Keith ruined the moment by slamming down the popcorn bowl and yelling, “Just kiss already!”

  
  


And so they did. It was soft and electric and wonderful. He never wanted it to end. 

  
  
  
  
  


They went on their first date a week later. Takashi said it didn’t feel much like a first date and more of a twentieth date. Adam shrugged and kissed him over the table. 

 

Three months later he woke up to find Takashi pushing his bed into his room and bumped his head against the doorframe. A startled expression crept up on his face and put his hand to his head questioningly. 

 

Adam really did love this man. 

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


He was twenty two when Takashi proposed. Actually, technically, Adam proposed but eh, technicalities. It wasn’t a huge romantic gesture. Hell, there wasn’t even a ring. But strangely enough, it was perfect.

 

It was the end of the day and they were both on the couch watching a mindless soccer game that neither of them cared about. 

 

“Adam?”

 

“Mmm yeah? What?”

 

“You, me, Mary and Will are sitting at a table together. What order are we sitting in?”

 

Adam blinked. “Who the fuck are Mary and Will?”

 

“Just answer the damn question.”

 

“Er… Mary, you, Will, me?”

 

Takashi shook his head with a shit eating grin on his face. 

 

“Will, you, Mary, me?”

 

“Oh my God, yes!” he laughed. 

 

Adam was still completely stunned. “Did I—Did I just propose?”

 

Takashi went silent and a blush began to creep up his face. “Yeah I know it was a tacky way to make you propose and it was all really in the spur of the moment. I was watching you during the game and you were oddly focused even though you thought soccer was dumb and you looked so  _ beautiful _ I just wanted to spend the rest of my very short days looking at your face and loving you. Because I will always love you and you make me a better person when I’m with you. I never want to let you go. So, Adam, will you marry me?”

 

Halfway through the speech Adam had started tearing up and by the end of it he was full on sobbing. “Yes, God yes, I will marry you. I love you so fucking much Takashi and I will spend the rest of my life loving you. Forever.”

 

Their lips found each other and Adam pulled Takashi in close. The bright lights from the TV screen illuminated Takashi’s features, and he had never looked more beautiful. They stayed there like that, arms around each other for the rest of the night. 

 

It was perfect.

  
  
  
  
  


“Silver.”

 

“Blue.”

 

“We’re not getting married at an aquarium, Kashi.”

 

“We’re not getting married at a fifteen year old’s birthday disco party with moms breathing down your neck while you’re trying to dance with the cute neighbour who just moved in.”

 

Adam frowned. “That’s highly specific.”

 

“It was a bad time, don’t remind me.”

 

“So, silver?”

 

“ _ Adam, I literally just said--” _

  
  
  
  


They settled on gold, in the end. Mainly because Adam had commented that “Gold makes me think of how bright you are. You deserve a wedding in gold.” to Takashi, and he had blushed prettily and walked right into a wall.

  
  
  
  
  


“Roses.”

 

“Daisies.”

 

“Adam, this is not a funeral.”

 

“Who uses daisies at a funeral? _ ” _

 

Keith had proceeded to throw pencils at their faces until they both shut up and let Keith do the planning.

 

He was surprisingly good at it. Maybe he could plan all the future Whitlam-Shirogane events too.

 

(“ _ I thought we agreed on Shirogane-Whitlam? _ ”

 

“That sounds horrible. Please shut up.”)

  
  


***

  
  


He was twenty three when Shiro was assigned a suicide mission to Kerberos. Technically, it wasn’t a suicide mission. It just felt like that to Adam, given that Takashi was going to die within the next three years, four if he was lucky, and that stupid mission was only going to kill him faster.

 

The whole mission was dumb, anyway. Why couldn’t they get another pilot? Why did they need to look for life outside Earth? Looking for aliens was just another way to invite in trouble. If aliens didn’t find you, then there’s no need to go on death trips to find them.

 

Takashi, however, was strangely excited. He got up early every single goddamn morning to do the drills that he hated doing. He spent almost every single waking hour with Commander Holt and Matt Holt, planning for the mission. Adam didn’t want him to leave, but he didn’t want him to be upset either. He supposed he had reached a point in his life where he would willingly sacrifice himself to spare Takashi pain and suffering. 

 

But between heartbreak and death, he would choose heartbreak any day.

  
  
  
  


Except that that didn’t happen and he lost both his heart and Takashi’s life in the same day. 

  
  
  
  


(“Everything okay?”

 

_ Please say no. _

 

“Iverson thinks I shouldn’t go. Called in the big guns. Had Admiral Sanda show up to try to convince Sam to remove me from the crew.”

 

_ They’re right. Stay with me. _

 

“Well, maybe he’s right. Maybe you shouldn’t go on this mission, You’ll only be putting yourself at risk.”

 

_ You have three years left, Kashi. Spend them with me. _

 

“You know how important this is to me. It’s worth the risk.”

 

_ We were going to get married in gold. _

 

“Takashi, how important am I to you? Every practice, every drill, I’ve been right there with you. But this is more than a mission. This is your life at stake.”

 

_ I can’t lose you. _

 

“Don’t start that again, Adam. You don’t need to protect me. This is something I need to do for myself.”

 

_ I will always fight for you, remember? _

 

“There’s nothing left for you to prove. You’ve broken every record there is to break.”

 

Beat.

 

“I know I can’t stop you, but if you decide to go, don’t expect me to be here when you get back.”

 

_ No, no, no. _

  
  
  


_ We were supposed to get married in gold. _ )

  
  
  
  


He was twenty three when he sent the love of his life to his death.

  
  


***

  
  


He was twenty four when he received the news of the failure of the Kerberos mission. Pilot error, they said. Bullshit, he thought. There was no possible way that Takashi could have made an error. If he could stick a perfect landing while unconscious, he could fly that stupid ship through anything that was out there in space. 

 

He received the news through a Garrison officer, who delivered a telegram to his doorstep with a sympathetic look on his face. It felt vaguely nineteenth century like. He didn’t know that they still did this. 

 

“This is crap!” Keith raged, storming into the apartment. “There was no way Shiro made a mistake. Pilot error, my ass. Iverson can go suck his own fucking dick.”

 

If Takashi were here, he would have frowned at Keith and say, “language” like the old man that he was. 

 

But Takashi wasn’t here. And the Garrison was fucked up. And Keith was too young to have lost this much. 

 

So Adam knocked his fist against Keith’s, and together, they broke into the Garrison files to extract the truth. 

 

Unsurprisingly, the Garrison was lying. The crew had landed on Kerberos and had been there for a few days. Until they stopped sending their daily logs. Until strange recordings had been picked up. Until Takashi and the crew went missing.

 

Pilot error, his ass. The only error Takashi made was trusting the Garrison. 

 

And Adam was going to get Takashi back. 

 

What was surprising, though, was finding Matt Holt’s sister, Katie Holt, being dragged out of Iverson’s office, her twelve year old lungs screaming profanities at him. Adam was rather impressed. She was incredibly smart to have been able to hack into the Garrison files and clear all her tracks. She just wasn’t physically discreet enough. 

 

Kids really were something else. 

 

For the next few days, Adam was fueled by anger, betrayal and ramen, refusing to let any space in for grief. He poured his energy into figuring out where Takahi went, with Keith providing insane theories along the way. 

 

And then he made the mistake of opening Takashi’s drawer. The memories of Takashi hit him like a fucking tsunami. There was a picture of Adam and Takashi grinning brightly at the camera. A half-read book that was dog-eared at the page where Takashi had stopped reading. Takashi’s phone was placed on top of the mess of his drawer, like it was deliberately placed so that Adam would find it. 

 

He grabbed the phone with shaking hands and turned it on. It opened to a video. Trembling, he pressed play and watched as it opened up to Takashi’s smiling face. 

 

“Hey, Adam. So if you’re watching this then that means you’re not that mad at me anymore. Um, this is stupid. I shouldn't've put this video in my phone. Who does that? It would’ve made more sense if I just put it in yours right?”

 

Adam snorted lightly and sniffed. 

 

“Anyway, I just didn’t want to leave for the Kerberos mission without saying sorry. I tried doing it so many times, but I just couldn’t. I guess I was afraid that if I apologised, I wouldn’t be able to bring myself to go through with the mission. 

 

“I hate that I never said it directly to your face. I mean, you'd probably punch me, but I deserved it, I guess. I’m not sorry I left. I’m sorry I left while we were still mad at each other. Not my wisest decision.” He took a deep breath then looked into the camera again. 

 

“I’ll never stop loving you, Adam. Maybe it’s too much to ask but, would you wait for me? Wait for me to come back. I’ll come back, I promise. And I promise to stay with you for my forever when I do get back. I will get back. Wait for me, Adam. I love you. Watch Keith for me.”

 

The video panned out into a black screen. Adam was left staring at his own reflection for God knows how long before he collapsed against the cabinets and let the grief sink in, weighing him down. 

 

_ I’ll come back, I promise.  _

 

He felt tears well up in his eyes. This was the first time he had shed a tear since knowing about Takashi. 

 

_ Wait for me.  _

 

The tears were streaming down his face now. He was crying, sobbing loudly, his breaths coming out in gasps.

 

_ I love you.  _

 

And the world seemed to crash down around him. Breaking into pieces before his eyes, the shards stabbing into his heart repeatedly.

 

_ I love you.  _

 

_ I love you.  _

 

_ Wait for me.  _

  
  


_ I’ll come back.  _

  
  
  


_ I promise.  _

  
  
  
  


_ Promise.  _

  
  


(Takashi, you liar.)

  
  
  


There was a funeral, sponsored by the Garrison. Three empty caskets, empty condolences, and a shit ton of daisies. He wanted to punch the people who donated the daisies simply because that meant that Takashi was right about there being daisies at a funeral. There should have been daisies at their wedding. 

 

There should have been a wedding. 

 

If Takashi was here, he would be rubbing it in his face that daisies  _ were _ a funeral thing. But Takashi wasn’t here. Hell, his body wasn’t even here. Even if he was out there in space, abducted by aliens or whatever stupid theory Keith came up with, Takashi was a walking bomb. He had a timer put on him. Three years, four if he was lucky. And he honestly doubted being stranded in deep space was going to help him get better. 

 

So he swallowed his grief and looked over at the Garrison cadets, wearing varied expressions of grief and shock. Keith sat in the front row with Adam, his arms crossed, his face expressionless. When Iverson stood up to address the crowd, Keith stood up abruptly and stalked off, his face blank. 

 

Iverson continued his speech about the grief and shock he and the rest of the Garrison staff felt about the promising missions with its promising pilot and scientists. 

 

Adam wanted to call his bluff. To shout out that the Garrison was lying. But staring at the flower covered picture of Takashi’s smiling face, he felt numb. There was no anger or indignation. Just overwhelming grief to the point where he was absolutely numb. Where his mind became blank and he didn’t know what to think. 

 

He delivered his eulogy, but he couldn’t remember what he said. It felt too fake. The funeral. The speeches. The condolences. The fucking daisies. All he wanted to do was to be left alone. 

 

When the funeral was over, he turned away from the sympathetic looks and made his way to the roof.  

 

The wind was strong when he got up there. It whipped his suit around, leaving the tailends of his suit jacket flapping in the wind. The wind dried the moisture in his eyes, leaving them stinging. 

 

He leaned over the railing and looked out onto the desert. A shiver ran down the right side of his arm where Takashi always was. The lack of one Takashi Shirogane was apparent even to his physical body. 

 

A wild, stray thought of him and Takashi cloud gazing entered his mind. He pushed it away. There was no point hoping in something he knew was not going to come true. Keith’s theories were nothing more than just theories. Like firing blanks into an empty barrel. The chance that one of his theories would be right was infinitesimally small and the chances that Takashi could survive out there were even smaller. 

 

Maybe it wasn’t a pilot error, but it was more than likely to be a regular mission failure like running out of oxygen, or broken apparatus and the Garrison was trying to save their reputation. It was more than likely that the Kerberos crew were dead. 

 

And so Adam decided to accept that Takashi was gone. Lost in space. Dead. Not here with him. The weight of the acceptance dragged him down to the ground and he lay there on the roof, face up against the open sky. 

 

The wind was still blowing. 

 

Strangely enough, his right side seemed a lot less chillier. 

  
  
  
  
  


Two weeks later, the Garrison accepted a new student by the name of Pidge Gunderson. The kid was sent to his office to collect worksheets. Pidge looked surprisingly like Matt Holt, right down to the terrible hair. 

 

Then Pidge spoke. “Um, Mr. Whitlam? General Iverson sent me to see you.”

 

And he realised, just by the voice alone, that Pidge was  _ not  _ Pidge. Pidge was actually Katie fucking Holt.  And the only reason why Katie fucking Holt would be here at the Garrison was because she wanted to know the same things Adam and Keith wanted to know: What the hell happened to the Kerberos crew. 

 

So he shut up and said nothing about that. But Katie was smart. She knew he knew. And she was smart enough not to say anything about it. So she grabbed the stack of worksheets Adam passed to her and walked out quickly. 

 

He went home that day to a thumbdrive that had been sitting on the dining table for the past two weeks. There was a funny feeling in his gut as he looked at it. 

 

Then he made his decision. 

 

He duplicated the thumbdrive, grabbed the copy and walked out of his apartments to the Garrison dorms. 

 

Katie’s room was Room 110. Just down the hall he could see Room 107, their old room. He turned away from that and slipped into her room. He placed the thumbdrive on her bed and left. 

 

It was only late that night, when the stars were out and far away from him, that he realised what that feeling was. 

 

Guilt. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


A week later, Keith showed up at his doorstep again, demanding that they look for Takashi. 

 

“We know the Garrison is lying, Adam. We know Shiro is out there. He’s still alive. We  _ have _ to go look for him.”

 

He looked directly at Keith’s dark purple eyes. 

 

_ Watch Keith for me.  _

 

“No. We are not. You are not putting yourself in danger over this. The fact remains that Takashi is in deep space. We couldn’t get him even if we tried.”

 

Keith stared at him, his mouth opened slightly in disbelief. “Seriously? You of all people should know how important this is. You know the Garrison has been lying to us. How could you live with yourself knowing that you didn’t do whatever it took to bring Shiro back?”

 

Adam didn’t answer. 

 

Keith’s hands curled into fists. “Fuck you,” he spat, and walked out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him. The door frame rattled and Adam slumped against the wall. 

 

This was the second time he let someone walk away from him. He swore it would be the last. 

  
  
  
  
  


He got the news that Keith had snapped and punched Iverson in the face two days later, getting him expelled. No one had seen Keith since. 

 

_ Watch Keith for me.  _

  
  
  
  


_ I’m sorry, Takashi.  _

  
  
  
  
  


Then, the crash happened. It was night, and the sky was clear and the stars were shining brightly in the sky. One star seemed to glow brighter than the rest. Then it was falling. And falling. And crashing onto the desert sand. 

 

The Garrison was put under lockdown. Adam walked along the Garrison halls briskly. He spotted three figures darting across the corridors. Katie Holt, Lance McClain and Hunk Garrett. He didn’t stop them, because a hope was brewing in his chest. A hope that had seemingly vanished over the past few months.

 

Maybe Takashi was there. Maybe, just maybe, Takashi was alive. Maybe aliens were real after all and Keith was right this whole time. 

 

He sprinted past the Garrison cadets and raced across the desert sand. He had to see. He had to know. He had to—. 

 

He stopped short. 

 

There, right in front of his eyes, were the ruins of a dark purple pod. There was no way that it was human technology. Which meant that it had to be alien. 

 

An alien ship. 

 

On the Garrison grounds. 

 

Dear fucking God. 

 

Then a noise came from his left; the roaring of a hoverbike. He turned to face the bike and saw a flash of red against the pale yellow desert sand heading for a large white tent. 

 

_ Keith _ , he thought, sprinting after the bike. At that point, he wasn’t sure what or who he was chasing. Keith, Takashi, or a futile hope of getting them all back together safely again. 

 

He was nearing 50 metres of the tent when he stopped again. The tent flap was open and he could see Keith with his cropped red jacket and his fingerless gloves and his high boots and a dark purple face mask. Dear God, this kid needed a fashion class. 

 

Keith, that stupid, reckless boy, was beating up the Garrison medics. He felt bad for the medics until he saw the person strapped to the table. 

 

Takashi. 

 

He felt his heart stop for a while.

 

Takashi looked so different than the last he saw him. His hair had grown out and his fringe was completely white. Like honest to God white. His right arm was replaced by a dark purple robotic arm. The metal used to make it was similar to the one from the alien spacecraft. 

 

He looked so different, like he had gone through too much in the year he had been gone. 

 

Then he spotted three figures racing to the tent. Something clicked in his head.

 

Oh hell, he was so fucking stupid. Of course the cadets were bound to sneak out. He sprinted to the tent but Lance McClain beat him there. He and Keith lifted Takashi and carried him to the hoverbike. They took off just as he reached the tent. 

 

He was too late. There was no way he could catch up to Keith, even with a car. Furious, he turned around and kicked over the metal table Takashi was laying. The sound echoed through the tent. 

 

From the corner of his eye, he spotted the medics stirring. Then Adam turned around and sprinted back to his apartment, closing the door quietly behind him. 

 

The next day, three cadets were reported missing. Lance McClain, Hunk Garrett and Pidge Gunderson. Adam denied knowing anything about that night, despite the guilt and anger curdling at the bottom of his gut. 

 

He really did have a track record of killing people. First Takashi, then four innocent cadets. Kids. Children who were too young to have properly experienced the world. 

 

He sorely needed a drink. 

  
  
  
  
  


There was a corner store a few minutes away from his apartment. Actually, it was more of a liquor store than a corner store. He had never been there, but he knew other teachers had and it was apparently the only place to get decent beer within five miles of the Garrison. 

 

Adam stepped into the store for the first time in his life and bought a six pack of beer. It felt like a huge milestone. He could visualise his Uncle Jack patting him on the back with one hand and a beer in the other, congratulating him on finally being a man. 

 

He snorted at the thought as he gulped down the beer. It felt tasteless to him and so he chugged down the rest of it. This crap was probably going to give him alcohol poisoning, but it dulled his senses well and made him feel a good kind of numb. 

 

That night, he went to sleep with a stomach filled only with beer and woke up the next morning feeling slightly hungover. He was grateful that it was a Saturday and he wasn’t obligated to do any teaching. But he wasn’t grateful that he had nothing to do. 

 

Apparently, an idle mind was really not good for anybody. Thoughts of missing Takashi by seconds continued to haunt him. He had been  _ right there _ . And Adam had missed him. 

 

Fuck, he needed another beer. Or maybe something heavier. 

 

The guy at the liquor store didn’t question him when he bought three six pack of beers and two bottles of whiskey. Adam did question himself, though, and all of his life choices. He was either going to die from excessive alcohol consumption, or die from starvation because he spent all his savings on  _ beer _ . 

 

But strangely enough, he couldn’t find it in himself to care about the repercussions. So he drank, and drank, until he forgot about everything that should have happened but didn’t. And while he was so hungover the next morning he couldn’t see straight, he had never felt happier since the Kerberos mission. 

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


He was twenty six when the Galran attacked Earth. That was the year Sam Holt returned from outer space in a white alien ship. That was the year he learnt that aliens  _ were  _ indeed hostile and it was the  _ fucking stupid _ Kerberos mission that started it all. Jesus, he was right this whole time. 

 

Sam Holt returned with tales of Voltron, a giant robotic giant that liberated the universe from the evil alien race. And the pilots of the robot were the missing cadets and Takashi so-he-did-survive-after-all Shirogane. 

 

They were warned by Admiral Sanda not to let the news out, but Sam and Colleen, his favourite power couple, did it anyway. Which resulted in him getting calls from a frantic Abbey and a furious grandmother. 

 

“I swear to God I will go up to space and slap his face for breaking my boy’s heart.”

 

“Stop it Nana. Adam, please tell me we’re going to be okay. Please tell me  _ you’re _ okay. Mom and Dad are panicking really badly. Anyway, just, keep safe, okay? If you need anything, we’re always here for you. Just ask.” 

 

Abbey ended the call and left Adam staring wordlessly at the blank screen of his phone. Blinking stupidly, he reached for the half drunk bottle of beer next to him. 

 

There was time for thinking later. 

  
  
  
  


Except there wasn’t. He was summoned by Iverson shortly afterwards. There, he was informed that they needed all hands on deck and Adam was an extremely valuable asset given that he was a pilot who had been Takashi Shirogane’s flight partner for six years.

 

He was shoved unceremoniously into a pilot’s suit and a helmet and made to test out the different fighter plane models that Sam Holt was churning out. Adam didn’t understand how they managed to incorporate advanced alien technology into simple Earth ones. He didn’t try to do so. All he knew was that he had a job protecting this Earth and he was going to do it, no matter what. 

 

In his mind’s eye he saw himself when he was twelve, just about to leave for the Garrison. A ten year old Abbey was there, as well as his parents, and they were standing under the sun in their backyard playing with the water sprinklers while his Nana was sitting in an old wicker chair behind them. His fists clenched around the controls. 

 

_ For Abbey _ , he thought, pushing the controls forward and shooting straight into the sky. Over his comms, he could hear Commander Holt whooping with joy at his latest success, but all he could think about was the Galra. Their technology was so advanced, there was no possible way this ship could delay the Galra for more than a few seconds. They were completely and utterly defenceless, more so for the citizens outside the Garrison.

 

_ Abbey _ , he thought with a panic, as he fired directly at a target, imagining for a second that it was the stupid, furry, purple aliens. A surge of protectiveness overwhelmed him. There was no way he was going to go down without a fight. He would protect his family as much as he could, even if he had to die trying. 

  
  
  
  


Commander Holt was right. The Galra did arrive, and were very,  _ very _ hostile. Before he knew it, Earth was overrun. Cities were taken by storm. Work camps were put in place. Citizens were killed or imprisoned. His family was gone.

 

Why was he so fucking stupid to not think about putting his family in the Garrison? Why was he still here, in the most secure place on Earth, alive and well, while his family was out there, dead or dying? Why was a murderer, a killer safe, while his innocent family was being tortured?

 

Everything seemed to be roaring in his head. Anger, guilt, frustration, sadness seemed to meld together to form a giant, confusing jumble in his head. His hands gripped at the side of his head, right over his ears, trying to block out the noise. It sounded like a pained crying. Like a heart wrenching sob.

 

A cry that was coming from his own mouth.

  
  
  
  
  


He found himself in a daze afterwards, like he couldn’t quite believe what had happened. All around him was a flurry of activity. The Generals and Commanders and Majors and Admirals were shouting out orders left and right. 

 

Once again, he found himself in a pilot’s suit, standing in a row with a group of other pilots. Their fists were clenched at their sides to hide their trembling fingers. Across the room he could see the four freshly graduated cadets making their way across to him.

 

“Professor Whitlam,” James began. 

 

“This is complete and utter bullshit!” Nadia interjected, seething. “How could they let you go out there? Your ships are utter crap compared to the MFE fighter planes and they’re not even letting you use them!”

 

“You are all great pilots, Professor Whitlam. But if you go, you’ll die, you know? Your ships don’t stand a chance.” Ina said. 

 

Ryan remained silent. 

 

Adam took a deep breath. “Cadets, if there’s one thing you can learn from this, is that if you’re given an order, you  _ listen _ . Because the higher ups know what they’re doing. Or at least, they think they know what they’re doing. It’s dangerous and we might not make it out of here. So, when we’re gone,  _ if _ we’re gone, make sure you protect this planet. Protect the people. You can save Earth, even if we can’t.”

 

He knew it was a suicide mission the moment Admiral Sanda uttered the command. Privately, Adam was grateful for that. At least he was able to have the chance to die a hero, and not as a sad, heartbroken, alcoholic, cowardly murderer. 

 

He settled himself on the seat of the plane and ran through the mindless routine checks. Then he was off, the ship only increasing in speed as he climbed upwards. The pressure in the cockpit was pressing down on his chest heavily as they approached the battle cruiser. Around him, shots were being fired. Around him, his comrades were falling. His schoolmates at the Garrison. His friends. The people he grew up with. He recognised the sounds of their screams. It was funny, he noticed, how quickly they died. A shot. A scream. Static. Then nothing. 

 

Kevin Porter, Jessica Shaybon, John Wilkins, Keira Golde, Lee Zi En, Raj Pathi. Every person had a unique death cry. He wondered what his was. 

 

The shots from the Galran ship hit him directly. His screams echoed in the cockpit, but honestly, he couldn’t feel anything. Everything was numb. It was a flash of light and his ship was falling, falling, falling.

 

(Why wouldn’t he stop falling?)

 

Then there was the crash. The sound of the ship slowly breaking up into pieces. The weight of the broken parts of the ship pressing onto his body. The heat from the explosions caused by the fuel in the tank. The warm, wet, sticky feeling on his chest. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t breathe.

 

Takashi’s face filled his mind. He saw lazy afternoons together, laughing at models on the runway. He saw Takashi’s sleepy face when he woke up in the morning, so completely uncaring. He saw the crinkle under Takashi’s eyes everytime he laughed at a lame joke that Adam told.  _ I’m sorry _ , he thought, as everything went black.

  
  
  
  
  


Then he woke up and realised that he hadn’t died. Shit. A young man around his age was grabbing his arms, but Adam figured that this was some pre death hallucination and an angel had come to take him away. 

 

So, he closed his eyes and let go. 

 

But he woke up again, and he cursed the universe for not letting him die. A flimsy canopy roof was over his head and so was the man that dragged him away from his chance at death. 

 

“That was quite a fall you took there.”

 

Adam grunted. 

 

“Just so you know, your comms are dead and your ship’s a wreck. You’re stranded here with me in this shithole until the war is over. If it ever is.”

 

Adam grunted again. He didn’t care. He couldn’t go back to the Garrison, to any city, to be near people. He shouldn’t be allowed to. 

 

“Well, I’ll just let you rest for a bit then.”

 

The face disappeared from his view and Adam was left staring up at the shitty excuse of a roof, regretting all of his life choices. 

 

He woke up sometime later without actually realising that he had fallen asleep. Using whatever strength he had in his noodle arms, he propped himself up just as the man walked next to him and supported him up, shoving a cup of water at his face.

 

Adam stared at the cup suspiciously for a long enough time for the man to snap, “Just drink it, you fucking prissy.”

 

So, he did. The water was cool and soothing against his sore throat and he slowly began to relax. 

 

“Feeling better?”

 

“Yeah.” His voice was strange to his own ears.

 

“Good. Anyway, seeing as we’re going to be stuck here for awhile, we should know each other’s names. I’m Jesus.”

 

“Adam.”

 

Jesus snorted. “Our parents were really committed to this biblical theme, huh?”

 

Adam choked out a laugh. It was hoarse and rusty and he couldn’t remember the last time he had laughed. Then he stopped when his lungs began to hurt.

 

“Yeah, you had a pretty bad fall. Punctured a hole through your chest.”

 

“You a doctor?”

 

Jesus nodded. “Was on a trip to a convention when the aliens came. Fucked up my car badly and stranded me in this forest.”

 

There was more to the story, but he decided not to push it. After all, who was he to judge, given that he had a shit ton of secrets himself. Jesus settled himself next to Adam on the floor and watched the sky through a hole in the tent. The dark night was illuminated with ruined constellations and the purple glare of alien spaceships. He wondered when he would see the sky in its full again, not marred by purple, but light with the full constellations. 

  
  


***

  
  
  


He was a certain age, a certain amount of time later. In the beginning, they had counted the days be scratching marks into a large rock. But the rock had run out of space and they had run out of motivation. 

 

Everyday, he would watch as Jesus attempted to fix his broken comms and then give up by slamming down his wrench or some other tool and yelling out profanities. 

 

Adam had no such motivation. He didn’t want to go back there and be thrown back into the war. He didn’t want to go back and fuck things up for everyone again, because, honestly, that was the one thing he could do. 

 

“Why don’t you care?” Jesus asked once after a frustrating round of attempting to build a communications unit. 

 

“I don’t want to get back there. It’s a fucking mess but it’s safe out here. I know it’s fucking selfish of me to not go back there when I can help but I don’t have to face the world when I’m here. ”

 

“Don’t you have a family? Don’t you want to get back to them?”

 

He thought of his parents and his Nana and Abbey. He thought of Takashi and Keith. “They’re better off without me. And that’s not just crazy talking. I killed them. I sent them to their deaths.”

 

There was a long and awkward pause. 

 

“Oh,” he replied. 

 

“Then what about you? Why do you want to go back so much?”

 

Jesus winced and sighed. Then he took out an old, battered picture. “That’s my wife. And my two girls. My wife didn’t make it and I—I want to get back to my kids so they have someone to look out for them.” A soft smile grazed his features. “That’s Tanya. The taller one. She was seven when I saw her last. And that’s Gwen. She’s two years younger.”

 

He looked at Adam and there was a familiar look in his eyes. A look that told of regret and guilt and loss. Adam knew that look. He saw it everytime he looked at his reflection. In his mind’s eye, he saw Abbey at 10, playing in the backyard. He saw Takashi and Keith fighting over the TV remote in their apartment. A deep ache resurfaced in his chest— an ache that could not be drowned out by the sting of alcohol or the sharp, smooth stainless steel across his skin. 

 

“Fuck,” he muttered, running a hand through his hair. Jesus looked up at him. “Fuck, just— I’ll help you. I’ll help you get back to your kids. They deserve at least that.”

 

Jesus’ answering smile was brighter than the fucking sun. 

  
  
  
  
  


Fun fact about Adam: he wasn’t just a pilot. He was an engineer. And a pretty good one at that. Granted, next to Matt Holt he probably looked like a kindergartener, but he was still pretty good at building shit. 

 

So he salvaged what he could from the ruined ship. Over the time he had spent here, moss had begun to grow over the ship. There were ferns and leaves covering the entrances. Which gave Adam a pretty good sense of how long he had been stuck inside this forest. 

 

“Did you find anything yet?” Jesus’ voice echoed through the empty ship. 

 

“Yeah. It’s in surprisingly good condition. Just some scrap wires and metal plates. We can work with that.”

 

“Cool,” he grinned, hopping over to where Adam was and grabbing the items out of his hands. There was a new sort of energy to him, spurred with the motivation of being able to communicate with his family. 

 

Adam wondered what that was like. To have motivation to go back to a literal hell. To have someone to go back to. To have someone, who wasn’t dead, care. 

  
  
  
  
  


A communications unit was built successfully three months later. 

 

A signal was sent an hour after that. 

 

There was no reply. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


“It was naive of me to believe that everything would work out fine.” It was the first time Jesus had spoken since the failed attempt at communication. “God, I just wanted to hear their voices again. I wanted to know if they were—if they were still alive.”

 

Adam had no reply to that. All he could do was hold Jesus tightly to his chest while he sobbed until the flames in front of them died out and the morning sun rose. 

 

Just another day. 

  
  
  
  
  


The Galra found them, because why the fuck not. It didn’t look like they were expecting to find anything other than resources. Just two soldiers, probably not ranked very high, talking about nothing in particular as they walked through the forest. 

 

When they found Adam and Jesus, their first reaction was to kill on sight. And kill on sight they did. 

 

Jesus fell first, silently, without a scream, without realising that he had just been killed. Adam ran. It was something he was good at doing after all these years. Running away from all his problems like a fucking coward. 

 

From the distance he could hear the soldiers. 

 

“Why would you shoot him? We should have taken him captive.”

 

“Better dead than have him racking up trouble, isn’t it?”

 

“Yeah you’re right. Then what about the other one? Should we go after him?”

 

There was a snort. “No point. We were here for resources. Not a man hunt. He’s unimportant and there’s no way he could get back to the Garrison. Sides, if he ever left this place we would know.”

 

Their voices faded as they walked away. 

 

Adam sprinted back to where Jesus was, hoping for a twitch of a finger or the slightest sign that he might be alive. 

 

But there wasn’t. He lay cold, unmoving on the forest floor. 

 

Adam thought back to all the stupid movies Takashi made him watch, where the fallen soldier would always have his last words before he died. Like “Tell my kids I love them” and  _ then _ die. He supposed it was stupid to hope for that. No one had anytime to gasp out their last words after a clean shot through the chest. 

 

He thought he would feel angry. Or sad. Or some emotion. But he didn’t he couldn’t feel anything because he was completely numb. He was calm as he dug a grave for Jesus. Calm as he lay Jesus’ body in the grave and covered it with dirt. Calm as he watched the sun rise and paint the sky with beautiful streaks of pink and orange. Even the purple of the Galran ships seemed normal to him. 

 

Just another day. 

  
  


***

  
  


He was a certain age a certain time later when the sky above him was covered with the shadow of a giant, multi coloured robot. When he watched the battle cruisers fall and Earth was liberated. 

 

He supposed he could return now, but he couldn’t bring himself to. There was nothing to return to. No one to return to. 

 

A long forgotten memory floated to the surface of his head. Takashi’s smile.  _ Wait for me _ . 

 

Adam wanted to punch something. He had waited. He was still waiting. He would always be waiting. Waiting for someone who, up till two weeks ago, he thought would never return.

 

He wondered if Takashi remembered him. He wondered if Takashi was okay. He wondered why he cared. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


A green lion landed in the forest, right in front of where he was. A kid stepped out.  _ Fuck _ , he thought.  _ The defenders of the Universe were fucking kids. Who even put them up to this? _

 

“I’m Pidge. Paladin of the green Voltron lion. I’m here to bring you home.”

 

“It’s nice to see you again, Cadet.” Adam spoke without thinking. 

 

Pidge blinked. “Professor Whitlam?” 

 

He could only nod. A grin crept up her face. “Quiznack. Everybody thought you died. They have a plaque for you, along with all the others who died in action. Shiro was distraught.”

 

_ Oh God, Takashi _ . 

 

“How did you even find me?”

 

“Heat signatures. Shiro made me scan every forest area on Earth. Had to make sure no one was left behind in this fight. Come on, we got to get you back to the Garrison.”

 

He boarded the lion without looking back. Behind him, a flower burst to bloom on Jesus’ grave. 

  
  
  
  
  


The first thing he did when he went back to the Garrison was search up Tanya and Gwen Sanchez. There were records of them being sent to an orphanage.  _ At least they’re safe, Jesus.  _ Then he looked up his family. There was a slight desperation in the way he typed out their names into the system, a long forgotten hope blooming in his chest. A hope which died down very quickly with the death certificates of his family popping up on the screen. 

 

He leaned back onto the chair, that horrible empty feeling returning back to his gut. He tried summoning tears but nothing came and his eyes remained frustratingly dry. His family was dead and he couldn’t even cry for them. God, he was such a monster. 

 

The door creaked open and Adam lifted his head to find Keith staring back at him. “Pidge said I could find you here.”

 

“Well, here I am.”

 

“Do you know that you have a plaque to your name? Well, had. Iverson’s taking it down now.”

 

Adam shrugged. It didn’t fucking matter. He was supposed to have died three years ago. He was supposed to have died alongside his comrades. Alongside his family. He was supposed to have died a hero, protecting his planet. Now he was nothing but a failure and a coward. 

 

“Are you doing that thing where you self deprecate again?” Keith asked, a familiar crease appearing between his eyebrows. Fuck, when did Keith get so perceptive?

 

“I am  _ not  _ self deprecating, Kogane.”

 

Keith snorted. “Yeah right. Just—” he struggled for a moment and continued. “People have missed you. Okay? Shiro especially. That dumb fuck kept that stupid picture of us three on his nightstand when we were in the castle. He used to whisper for months when we first started out. Just come back to us, okay?” And he left the room quietly, and for the first time since Adam had saw him, not banging the door behind him.  _ Perceptive and mature. Guess flying robot lions through space really changes your personality.  _

 

Unfortunately though, Keith’s words seemed to have gotten him thinking. Maybe he was still alive after all this time for a reason. Maybe he was meant to survive. Maybe he did have someone waiting for him. Maybe, just maybe, he deserved to live. 

 

He fell asleep at his desk that night, with that last thought buzzing around in his fucked up head. 

  
  
  
  
  


The next morning, he woke up feeling like shit. He was still stuck in his three year old pilot suit that he never got the chance to wash and was covered in bits of forest. 

 

He got out of his chair and walked out of his office quickly, making his way to the communal showers. 

 

And because life was a bitch to him, he ran into Takashi on the way there. He had gotten taller and buffer since Adam saw him last. His hair was completely white and his arm had changed from purple and robotic to white and robotic. He was in a tight fitting suit that showed off every bit of his  _ amazing fucking body _ . 

 

Takashi had looked so different but his eyes remained the same. The same eyes that wore nothing but kindness and twinkled when he smiled. 

 

“…Adam?” His voice was barely above a whisper. 

 

And with that one word, Adam unravelled. A wave of emotions that came from nowhere hit him and drowned him in a whirlwind of anger and sadness and grief. He collapsed to his knees and cried and cried until he couldn’t breathe. Then an arm wrapped around him, holding him close. There was a familiar warmth in Takashi’s embrace that he couldn’t find anywhere else. Takashi didn’t say anything. Didn’t tell him to not cry or ask him what went wrong. He just held him close and ran his fingers through his hair soothingly. Adam cried until he ran out of tears and his breaths came out shaky and he sniffed everytime he breathed through his nose.

 

He quietly wondered what people thought of this. Two grown men on the floor in the middle of the hallway. One covered in mud and leaves and tears and the other in and extremely hot bodysuit. The image of that in his head was rather amusing. 

 

“Come on.” And Takashi was lifting him to his feet, supporting him with his good arm. He led him through the halls and into a room. “Here,” he said, passing him a stack of clothing and a towel. “The bathroom’s there. Please, for the love of God, go take a shower and we can talk. Or not. We can do whatever. Just go and bathe first.” 

 

Adam snorted lightly, unable to bring himself to actually laugh, and stepped into the shower. The water was refreshingly cool and cleared his head  Which was a state of mind he had not been in for the past six years. 

 

He stepped out of the shower to find Takashi sitting on the bed in regular clothes. He got up quickly and walked over to Adam, running his hands up and down his shoulder blades. “God, you’ve gotten so much thinner.”

 

“And you’ve gotten a hell lot buffer. I didn’t think that was possible.”

 

“I guess we’ve all changed, huh.”

 

“I guess.”

 

They settled on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. Adam 

 

Adam let out a heavy breath. “They had a funeral for you. I thought you died.” He looked into Takashi’s eyes. “You told me to wait for you and I did. I waited for six fucking years, Takashi, and I—I thought I sent you to your death.” He choked up, unable to say anymore. 

 

“I’m here, Adam. And I can’t promise that I won’t leave. But I can promise that I will come back again. And I will spend every minute of everyday thinking about you. I  _ did _ spend every minute of everyday thinking about coming home to you.” He took a deep breath. “I’m home with you, sweetheart.”

 

Adam felt his eyes beginning to water and he said  _ fuck it _ to the universe and pressed his lips to Takashi’s. Their kiss was soft and electric and made Adam feel things he hadn’t felt for a long time. They lay in bed like that for a long time because screw duty and screw the universe. He and Takashi both needed a break and they were taking one. They lay down together, side by side because it was perfect and they were meant to be together and they were always better together. They lay down together because Adam loved Takashi, even after all the crap that had happened to him. Adam loved Takashi and would always do so. 

  
  
  
  


Adam was twenty nine when he was made whole and his world was righted again. 

  
  


***

  
  
  


Adam was thirty when he was proposed to for the second time. He and Takashi were on the roof again, sitting on a picnic mat and an elaborate meal that he was  _ sure _ Takashi didn’t make because Takashi couldn’t cook to save his life spread out in front of them. 

 

Under the lights, Takashi glowed brighter. Under the night sky, Takashi would always glow brighter. “God, you’re beautiful,” he muttered, admiring the way the starlight reflected off his hair. For once, Takashi had nothing to say to him. He just stared at Adam long and hard before moving in front of him. 

 

He inhaled deeply. “Adam, we have known each other for seventeen years. I met you when I was thirteen and had a bowl cut and I fell for you the moment you called me ‘Takashi’. I didn’t know it then because I was stupid and in denial, and I regret not asking you out sooner. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, because I loved you since I was thirteen and I will never stop loving you.” He reached into his pocket and brought out a ring. “So, Adam, will you marry me?”

 

“I— Yes. Yes, sweetheart. Yes. I would want nothing more.”

 

So the ring was slipped onto his finger and Adam thought that he could burst from happiness and love. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


They dug up their old wedding plans and got married two months later. Keith walked him down the aisle and the ceremony was absolutely beautiful. Both him and Takashi were absolute wrecks by the end of it and had used up way too many packets of tissues. 

 

The reception was a chaotic mess filled with brightly coloured aliens and Lance and Pidge whizzing around on her newly designed hovercrafts. Takashi was there, right next to him, his hand fitting perfectly in his. It was a chaotic, beautiful mess and he loved every moment of it. 

 

With Takashi next to him, he didn't feel like such a mess anymore. With Takashi next to him, he felt like he could take on the world. With Takashi next to him, he had never been happier. 

  
  
  
  
  


Adam was thirty when all was right with the world. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> holy crap im so attached to a character i saw for like thirty seconds on screen
> 
> the name jesus is from the fosters bc im trash
> 
> i originally had another proposal planned out but i came across the you me mary will post on ig and its honestly so much better
> 
> leave a kudos if you liked it and im open to any and all criticism :D


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